 Drowning
Drowning
in a sea of "me"
in an ocean of myself
barely keeping
my head above water
Choking
barely breathing
Struggling
Fighting
Why?
Why do I survive?
Why do I fight?
Why do I bother
to fight and to
breathe
and to go on treading water
in the endless
sea
of
me
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At the time I wrote this poem I had never read the following psalm. When I did read it, I was startled by how similar the sentiments are, although the psalm was written thousands of years ago. It seems that human nature is basically the same throughout the ages. Anguish is still anguish, still expressed in wrenching poetry and song.
Once I realized how much I had in common with the psalmist, I was comforted to know that I was not alone, I was not unique in my suffering, and I was certainly not "offending" God by crying out in my anguish.
Psalm 69 (NRSV)
Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep
waters, and the flood sweeps over me.
I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with
waiting for my God.
More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without
cause; many are those who would destroy me, my enemies who accuse me falsely.
What I did not steal must I now restore?
O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.
Do not let those who hope in you be put to shame because of me, O Lord
GOD of hosts; do not let those who seek you be dishonored because of me,
O God of Israel.
It is for your sake that I have borne reproach, that shame has covered
my face.
I have become a stranger to my kindred, an alien to my mother's children.
It is zeal for your house that has consumed me; the insults of those who
insult you have fallen on me.
When I humbled my soul with fasting, they insulted me for doing so.
When I made sackcloth my clothing, I became a byword to them.
I am the subject of gossip for those who sit in the gate, and the drunkards
make songs about me.
But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God,
in the abundance of your steadfast love, answer me. With your faithful
help
rescue me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies
and from the deep waters.
Do not let the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the Pit
close its mouth over me.
Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant
mercy, turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant, for I am in distress--make haste
to answer me.
Draw near to me, redeem me, set me free because of my enemies.
You know the insults I receive, and my shame and dishonor; my foes are
all known to you.
Insults have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I looked for pity,
but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none.
They gave me poison for food, and for my thirst they gave me vinegar to
drink.
Let their table be a trap for them, a snare for their allies.
Let their eyes be darkened so that they cannot see, and make their loins
tremble continually.
Pour out your indignation upon them, and let your burning anger overtake
them.
May their camp be a desolation; let no one live in their tents.
For they persecute those whom you have struck down, and those whom you
have wounded, they attack still more.
Add guilt to their guilt; may they have no acquittal from you.
Let them be blotted out of the book of the living; let them not be enrolled
among the righteous.
But I am lowly and in pain; let your salvation, O God, protect me.
I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving.
This will please the LORD more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs.
Let the oppressed see it and be glad; you who seek God, let your hearts
revive.
For the LORD hears the needy, and does not despise his own that are in
bonds.
Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and everything that moves in
them.
For God will save Zion and rebuild the cities of Judah; and his servants
shall live there and possess it;
the children of his servants shall inherit it, and those who love his name
shall live in it.
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 The Blessing of Job
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